we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
