I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
