I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
