I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
