I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
