i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
