Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Randomize
