U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
