Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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