so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
