i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize