I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
