i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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