glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Girls should come with a carfax report
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
