This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
