It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
