if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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