i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
