You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
