He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
