I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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