I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
