I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
