I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
