Screwed.edu
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
