I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize