i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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