I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
