Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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