Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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