You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
