I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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