i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
