about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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