Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
