bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
