I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
