Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
