I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize