My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
