This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
