I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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