my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
