I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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