Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
