mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Who died my cat blue again?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
