There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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