How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize