So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
