watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
as a side note pls kill me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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