Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
