I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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