Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize