You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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