i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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