"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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