I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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