you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
