PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
