oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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