We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how drunk are you?
Several
He has the fingertips of a God
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
