pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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