The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
