1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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