If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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