Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
