so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
