you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
