if you like me you must not know who I am
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
