remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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